Expats Against Bush: Canadians rib would-be US expats

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November 24, 2004

Canadians rib would-be US expats

I was just forwarded this satire email commenting on the oft-supposed impending emigration of America's left to other countries - namely Canada.

The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration.

The re-election of President Bush is prompting the exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray and agree with Bill O'Reilly.

Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal-rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at night.

"I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota.

The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry.

"He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left. Didn't even get a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?"

In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers that blare Rush Limbaugh across the fields.

"Not real effective," he said. "The liberals still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much they wouldn't give milk."

Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive them across the border and leave them to fend for themselves.

"A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions," an Ontario border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a drop of drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley Cabernet, though."

When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about the Bush administration establishing re-education camps in which liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR.

In the days since the election, liberals have turned to sometimes-ingenious ways of crossing the border.

Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen passengers.

"If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we get suspicious about their age," an official said.

Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan Sarandon movies.

"I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many art-history majors does one country need?"

In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada, Vice President Dick Cheney met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that the administration would take steps to reassure liberals, a source close to Cheney said.

"We're going to have some Peter, Paul & Mary concerts. And we might put some endangered species on postage stamps. The president is determined to reach out."

Posted by Luke Robinson on November 24, 2004 | Permalink

Comments

LMAOF!!!!

Maybe there's an "Illegal" Immigration Activist Group in Canada who will demand
that the Canadian Govt. setup rest stops
for the Liberal illegal immigrants crossing
the border? :o)

Then the Liberal illegal immigrants can stage protest rallies demanding their rights
and free entitlements?

Too funny....

Posted by: Chrish | November 24, 2004 at 06:30 PM

Luke:

Very funny
Especially two days after a Provincial Election here in Alberta.

For anyone who cares to know:
The ruling party in this province is called the "Progressive Conservatives" (an oxymoron in itself) The party was founded in this province in the early 1970's after they realized that this province has all the oil and gas, a source of endless revunue for generations to come.

Only in Canada can one province with less than 10% of the country's population start their own political party and then sucessfully oust the party that had been in control for 36 years (the Social Credit party)

Anyway, the Federal Government has been controlled by the "Liberal" party for almost 20 years (another oxymoron because they are so pro-Bush, pro-American, and pro-privitazation, it's ludicrous to think of them as being Liberal)

**Yeah, I know Jean Chretian voted nay to sending troops but that's because he misunderstood. He thought they said Eritrea, which kind of sounds like Iraq in French and Canada has peacekeepers there.

In this place, red is also the evil color but in reverse (the Liberals color is red)The premier of Alberta is a high school dropout that rules over the ONLY state or province that is 100% debt-free. This is his 4th term since there are no term limits. He publically blurts out any old racist, sexist, dumbass comments he wants. He's an ex-alcoholic. Two years ago he went to a homeless shelter at 2 AM in a drunken stupor and told them all to get jobs and get off government handouts. People don't like him but those who lived through the "National Enery Policy" would rather move to Afghanistan than see Ottawa have any say over the province's revenue. So they vote him and his party's policy of "status-Quo" year after year after year. (Although this year the Liberals gained some more seats in the Senate.)

The irony is that this is the province with the best economy, the most well educated population per capita, the lowest rate of inflation and the hottest housing market. (a-la blue state) But it's also the ONLY province that will not recognize same-sex marriage, the last one not to ban smoking in public places, the last one to adopt seat belt laws (late 1990's) and the one with the MOST private clinics (mostly to piss off the federal government)

So if the liberals mentioned in your satirical story thought they were sneaking into Manitoba but somehow wound up in a place that votes blue, acts red and already has the largest population of Americans anywhere in the world outside the US, I think they'd be so confused by 2008 that the Jews would vote for Pat Robertson (absentee of course), the gays would vote for Jeb Bush and Delal/Jim/maybe even Chrish would vote for Billary

Posted by: rodi | November 24, 2004 at 07:24 PM

Speaking of Bush and Canadians, he is coming up here (well, not here in Alberta, thank God)

From today's Globe and Mial:
=====================================
U.S. President George W. Bush will not address Parliament when he visits Canada next week to avoid possible negative reception or heckling, White House sources said.

The sources confirmed to The Globe and Mail Wednesday that Mr. Bush would not be speaking to Parliament

Sources say U.S. officials involved in planning the trip were worried about a cranky audience on Parliament Hill.

"We didn't see the need and, frankly, we didn't want to be booed. There are other, better venues," said one U.S. official
==========================================

What a pussy. But in a hilarious "Only in Canada" move,: (from the same article)
=========================================
"Thousands are expected to descend on Parliament Hill to protest various policies of Mr. Bush's Republican Party, including its hard-line approach to marijuana use.

On both Nov. 30 and Dec. 1, hundreds are expected to light up marijuana cigarettes on the Hill at 4:20 p.m., the universal time accepted by pot-smokers as the time to smoke up."
==========================================

My co-workers and I could use a pot break anyway.

PS
To any of you who are lucky enough to enjoy Thanksgiving, have a happy and safe holiday. I'm stuck in a stupid office in glorious downtown Calgary.

Posted by: rodi | November 24, 2004 at 08:04 PM

Hilarious parody. Hilarious posts. When can I move to Alberta? I'll wait to see what Hillary is doing in 4 years. :-)

Posted by: Jim | November 25, 2004 at 02:28 AM

LOL!!! Hillary will be up in Alberta, Jim
on a fact finding mission... :o)

Rodi, sorry to hear you'll be stuck in an
office but, have a Happy Thanksgiving nonetheless...

Posted by: Chrish | November 25, 2004 at 02:51 AM

I think Hillary might become head of the Liberal party in Canada. Then she can be PM. Afterall she spent most of her life living in New York, I mean Canada.

Posted by: Jim | November 25, 2004 at 05:46 AM

Thanks for the Thanksgiving wishes from all
and have a great holiday

Basically, every office in the financial indsutry does an hour or two of work (Canadian market is very slow when the US is closed) Then we flip the channels from the financial reports to the football games, drink beers all day and kick back. And we get paid for this. I can think of worse ways to spend a holiday.

Jim:
Moving to Calgary is easy if you:
a) are married to a Canadian
b) wanna become a male nurse. Strangely enough, there are plenty of them up here and they're not even gay. $35 an hour must be the attraction.
c) have an engineering degree relating to the oil and gas industry
d) enjoy 45 degree temperature swings within the course of the same day. All year round
e) are able to differentiate a Liberal from a Progressive Conservative
f) are Dick Cheney, the oilpatch's best friend

Gobble gobble

Posted by: rodi | November 25, 2004 at 04:22 PM

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone. Hope you and your families are happy, healthy and safe.

Posted by: Jim | November 25, 2004 at 05:52 PM

Most definitely!

Happy Thanksgiving to All (including you bleeding heart liberals)!

Last night I hung with 3 beautiful French (citizens) women, one who works with me - and we had a fantastic time even though we are 'political' opposites.

When it comes to listening to good music in a dive in NYC - sipping wine and eating 'Tapas'...

Well... we all could certainly get along!

Posted by: delal | November 25, 2004 at 06:39 PM

We interrupt your Thanksgiving dinner for this wonderful piece of breaking news regarding your president's very humane policy of killing people so the killing will stop:
==============================
(11-25) 07:25 PST BAGHDAD, Iraq (AP) --

More than 2,000 people have been killed so far in the U.S.-Iraqi operation against the former insurgent stronghold of Fallujah, an Iraqi official said Thursday.

But Qassem Dawoud, the government's national security adviser, gave no breakdown of deaths among U.S. troops, Iraqi forces, insurgents and civilians.

As of Thursday, the death toll was more than 2,085. He also said more than 1,600 people have been arrested, Dawoud told reporters.

U.S. officials had said 54 U.S. soldiers and Marines were killed in the offensive that began Nov. 8. Troops still are fighting small pockets of insurgents holding out in southern parts of the city.
===========================================

I try to move on.
I try to "get over it"
I try to justify killing people in the name of "democracy"

But I can't.
2000 lives. Just in Fallujah
And the plan is to hit another dozen or so cities. Let's see, that will bring it to about 25,000 dead people. If we're lucky, we can have a US led occupation whose death toll that surpasses the worst humanitarian crisis of the last 20 yaers like by the end of the year.

But I'm glad Jim and Del still think George W Bush will go down in history as a "liberator". If history goes beyond the 21st century that is.

Cmon, Jim give me your explanation why anyone in the world should support this "war". But maybe this time tell me something besides trying to compare it to WWII or Nazis.

Shit, man, get a friggin clue.
It doesn't matter if it's an insurgent or a civilian. It's a HUMAN LIFE that should not end at the expense of a US Marine.

Posted by: rodi | November 25, 2004 at 06:52 PM

rodi... thank Providence you weren't alive when we tossed the 'two big ones' on Japan!

I don't think you could have stopped yourself from slitting your wrists!

Get a hold of yourself man and eat some turkey (it has a restful effect)!

Posted by: delal | November 25, 2004 at 06:56 PM

And I am truly sorry for
interrupting the flow of good will that's gone back and forth today

In particular to Jim and Del:
Please don't take any of my comments personally. Like you guys, I can hang with all political types; it's part of what makes America great. I try to respect everything you guys say even if I disagree.

But we still agree that we disagree and it pains me to read these headlines.

Another one form The National Post today:
(paraphrased)
=========================================
A 53 year old US seargant in the National Guard has been called up to serve in Iraq. Assuming he can pass the physical, he will be deployed as a telecommunications expert on the front lines. He has not served in active combat since Vietnam.
==========================================

Umm, are we pushing the military a tad thin ??

Posted by: rodi | November 25, 2004 at 06:59 PM

Del:

Sorry, man
I know it sounds extreme if you're enjoying a nice holiday with friends.

I will eat turkey later

As for Japan, nobody can possibly compare the Japanese attack on US soil to a US led occupation of Iraq. We knew who the enemy was (a country, not an ideology) And I fully support what we did so that you and I are not eating sushi or bratwurst today.

Too bad the Marines didn't have the same fun you did with your French friends last night. Instead, they were hoping they'd make it to Christmas.

Maybe we should.........
Support the troops by suggesting to Bush that they leave Iraq and get redeployed in peacekeeping missions.???

And I notice the US makes the smallest of official comments on the Ukrainian situation. For those of you not familiar with world events, the Ukrainians are up in arms over the alleged forgery of their national elections. And it was witnessed by numerous NGO's from all over the world.

But there's no oil in Ukraine so I guess we don't have to send the Marines to destroy Kiev in the name of democracy.

Posted by: rodi | November 25, 2004 at 07:09 PM

You can relax rodi... no one on either side likes to see death - no need for apologies...

The majority of those serving in any branch of the military are ready to serve. That's the point of being in reserve or guard.

That mindset is not understood by all but those that serve or have served understand it completely!

As opposed to the past (draft) all enter willingly and are fully cognizant of the oath... it is not taken lightly!

Now I'm joining family to thank Providence, watch football, drink, eat and be merry!

Posted by: delal | November 25, 2004 at 07:14 PM

Del:

Yes, you are right about the servicemen. And I'm glad there are those that choose to serve. I'd just like to see them on the base in Camp Pendleton instead of Camp Fallujah

Happy Thanksgiving
(Why do you thank Providence ?)

Posted by: rodi | November 25, 2004 at 07:22 PM

As a Deist... Providence is my God!

Posted by: delal | November 26, 2004 at 01:56 AM